Wednesday July 21st, 2021

 Woke up feeling great! Like the sun rays coupled with a gentle breeze, there's optimism lurking in every corner. I have sat down and had a conversation with my mom and grandma on how being in the right place is a state of mind rather than something determined by outside forces. I came to the realisation that I am very much sensitive to the words of others around me, their thoughts, their beliefs, and their energies. Any word spoken by them can lead my thoughts to spiral out of control and think of all that can go right or wrong. My grandmother has mentioned something sexist and it irritated me noticeably, despite it not being intentional. I am very passionate about women's rights. I feel awful for sometimes not being able to speak up against sexist practices when I hear people bring them up, but it takes an immense mental toll on me that I freeze and try to remove myself from the conversation. I think misogyny and violence against women is the root cause of why I feel unsettled in general. Every woman's pain is my own, and I will never be able to come to terms with the fact that there are and that there will be more women who suffer for being women. It weighs heavy on me and takes its emotional toll on my mental health. Any mention of gendered violence can make me feel sick to my stomach. Overall, it's a good day nonetheless, and I have gone better at trying to stop negative emotions when the come to me. I understand how and when they get triggered and attempt to police them then. I tell myself it's irrational and that one negative thought is not going to make me feel awful for the rest of the day but it's still not as easy to implement as I thought it would be. I believe I'm an empath and I want to turn my connection with others into a source of strength. It's why I joined the women's network, and it's why I want to learn skills that can be put to use to help women living in awful femicidal times in the Arab world. In order to get myself feeling optimism again, I will now think of three things I'm grateful for. I am grateful for my good health, the fact that I don't have kids to worry about lol, and my knowledge. I am grateful for my desire to change what I think is wrong, and even for my desire to call them wrong. Reject the mentality of those around you and crush it with an iron fist if it does not align with your values. 

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