August 6th, 2021

Hey

Hello???

Is anyone reading this?

I don't know what I should be saying. Journaling is a good habit, they said. It's a scientifically proven way to boost happiness. I don't know how to describe how I feel. I tend to feel well throughout the day but my mood feels like it's sitting on a volcano island. A sense of anxiety over a future explosion overwhelms me. I fear the unknown and feel like a kitten among wolves. My mood is generally anxious. Nervous. Worried. FRAGILE like glass and cold like a fridge. Anxiety is as cold as a January night. It's as cold as carrefour's fridge. It feels massively large on my chest. I don't fear for my life, I fear for my freedom. Give me liberty or give me death, the saying goes. I wish I can detach it from my body and give it away. Throw it away. Flushed. It clogs. It causes trouble. I value my right to self expression. To pleasure. To life. To love.  To feel. To run. To speak. My brain as the biggest asset in my body. My health. My strength. My stamina. My humour. To be is not to be. A people pleaser. A misogynist appeaser. A little bit more than light teasing. My heart is big and open. 

I feel anxiety. That doesn't stop me from feeling. Love is a morning run. Love is letting your skin be kissed by the sun. It's a morning cup of tea and an evening night under a light breeze as it makes love to the trees. A sense of ease. A puppy's ears. Love is taking your headphones out to hear and letting them interrupt you when you speak because all you want to do is hear. Listen to their words. Understand their thoughts. Listen. Read.



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