The quintessential perfectionist

 The serenity of post workout meditation, the freedom of all burden, the sense of belongingness on this earth, the sweet taste of sugar, heaven is a place on earth, and it's the mindset you have as soon as you're done working out and lying down on your back. Oh, thank God for working out!

Hey Hello??? Is anyone reading this? I don't know what I should be saying. Journaling is a good habit, they said. It's a scientifically proven way to boost happiness. I don't know how to describe how I feel. I tend to feel well throughout the day but my mood feels like it's sitting on a volcano island. A sense of anxiety over a future explosion overwhelms me. I fear the unknown and feel like a kitten among wolves. My mood is generally anxious. Nervous. Worried. FRAGILE like glass and cold like a fridge. Anxiety is as cold as a January night. It's as cold as carrefour's fridge. It feels massively large on my chest. I don't fear for my life, I fear for my freedom. Give me liberty or give me death, the saying goes. I wish I can detach it from my body and give it away. Throw it away. Flushed. It clogs. It causes trouble. I value my right to self expression. To pleasure. To life. To love.  To feel. To run. To speak. My brain as the biggest asset in my body. My he...

 Journaling day 2 Good afternoon,  Yesterday has been alright. I ended up spending hours stuck in traffic and so that took up a substantial part of my day, which was not ideal as it left me shattered. However, in the evening, I felt like I had regained my energy and recharged my mind by spending time on the terrace with the family and disconnecting from the internet. I'm finding it really helpful to limit the amount of time I spend on social media and my phone in general, especially in the morning up to a few hours after I wake up. I'm also finding it helpful to sleep at a fixed time every night as it helps me take control over my own nights and mornings, and generally feel like I am more in control of my schedule. It also guarantees that I sleep well even if I have got something to do early in the morning the next day. So far, I'm loving all the time I get to spend with my grandma, and look forward to spending my mornings with her. On the other hand, my nights are best spe...

 Journalling day 1 I've had a good morning so far. Two days ago, I finally let out so many things that have consumed my thought and turned me into a sullen little wretch (excuse the language, I am currently reading Wuthering Heights). I have experienced an insane amount of anxiety and fear over what might come in the future. I worry too much. On one hand, I love it here because there is orgasmic good food and substantial family support that I wouldn't be able to find in Bristol. On the other hand, the U.K. offers growth, independence, and room for self improvement. I do consider myself a highly sensitive person: I tend to feel guilty over the slightest change in mood I notice in those around me. I have this irrational thought that I take too much and never give; and so I've fed and developed this overtly sensitive part of me. You see, when I was younger than 10, I had this impression of myself as someone who does not wish well for others, as someone who does not want happin...